The real influencers

“Influencer”. It’s such an odd term. I hear it used in the context of social media and it’s made me give some thought to who has influenced me over the years (including way before social media was ever a thing).

A quick scan of my bookshelf reveals the answer. There have been several key people who have definitely influenced my understanding, my beliefs, and my experiences of being a sexual person.

As a thank you to some of these people, I want to share their books with you today and encourage you to read any you feel drawn to. (They are all great companions to my book, Desire Lines!)

Sex for One by Betty Dodson

Known as the ‘grandmother of masturbation’, reading Betty’s book, Sex for One: the Joy of Self-Loving, taught me about women’s genitals, self-pleasuring, and having a love affair with myself – a phrase I come back to time and time again. Betty died, age 91, at the end of 2020 and I am sad that I never got to attend one of her Bodysex workshops. Her many decades of work live on through her writing, her videos, and the lives of all of those she influenced.

Post-Porn Modernist by Annie Sprinkle

Annie has been a sex worker, porn star, academic sexologist, and is now an environmental artist from an eco-sexual perspective. Through her book, Annie Sprinkle: Post-Porn Modernist, she gave me an important and early role model for how to be an empowered, sexual woman. I met her at a book signing and had a complete fangirl moment. Then I took part in one of her art events: getting into bed with her and her partner, Beth Stephens (swoon!). I’ve also had the pleasure of watching her and Barbara Carrellas demonstrate their energy orgasms at a joint workshop I attended.

Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas

The creator of Urban Tantra, and (amongst many other things) a sex/life coach, Barbara believes that “pleasure is good and ecstasy is necessary”. I completed her in-person Urban Tantra Professional Training Program, met her and an extraordinary group of remarkable human beings, and expanded my sacred sexuality. Prior to this, I was convinced Tantra was inaccessible to me as a queer woman. Barbara offered me a way in and a sense of community and inclusion. Her book is a great resource for those who can’t access her work in person, or who simply want to use it as an on-going resource.

The Ethical Slut, and Radical Ecstasy by Dossie Easton

Dossie Easton is “dedicated to feminist, polyamorous, BDSM, spiritual, gender-diverse, and LGBTQ individuals and communities… new paradigms of gender, sexuality, and relationships.” Her books genuinely changed my life, especially Radical Ecstasy, which showed me how to write with courage and deep authenticity, especially when the topic is one steeped in taboo. I was privileged to meet Dossie to interview her for a magazine article, and also to attend one of her workshops.

There are many more books on my shelf and many other extraordinary people who have had an impact on me and my work. I’m sure I’ll share more in the future but, in the meantime, there’s definitely enough here to get your teeth into!

Looking for an ethical way to buy your books? Buy from your local bookstore by visiting Bookshop.org

All Your Secrets

CONTENT NOTE: this post contains erotic and explicit writing

Erotic short story…

All those drunken confessions have led to this night. Each time we sat together, bottle of wine on the table, feet on the sofa, Adele or Emeli or Lana on the stereo, you loosening up and me listening. As the evenings wore on you inevitably confided a new secret and I stored it away with the rest. I know you better than you know yourself. I know your deepest desires, I know what turns you on, and I know exactly what you are yearning for.

Of course most of the time you wanted to talk about him. “He’s amazing in bed,” you told me as you stretched your foot out onto my lap. I massaged your toes and pictured the scene you described in such candid detail. You riding him like a cowgirl, his cock the perfect girth to make you feel so full and tight that you gushed for the first time. “He loved it.” I saw the misty look in your eyes as your cunt remembered and I squeezed your foot a little firmer in acknowledgment.

Some nights I thought you were all out of confessions but then the wine would kick in, you’d give me that naughty-girl look, and another one would leave your lips. You knew you had a willing and expectant audience; I knew you needed to be heard.

We’d almost drained the bottle of red the night you told me the biggest secret. If you hadn’t told me we could have carried on like this forever but, once I knew, the first domino in the chain was given a gentle nudge and the outcome was inevitable.

It had taken just one little word from him to burst your loved-up bubble. “Married. The bastard is already married!” I wrapped you up in my arms and let your angry, hot tears soak the front of my sweater. You nuzzled into my chest like a small child seeking comfort and I stroked your hair. I made sure you were safely tucked up before I left you for the night. I think you were asleep before I’d closed the front door.

You see, I wanted to give you that space. You needed to feel the lack in order to feel the want. Tonight I think you’re ready.

You look different this evening. There’s a weariness that makes your features look less distinct, like someone has blurred your edges with an eraser. You look softer and older. I like it. I hand you the wine and you lead me straight into the lounge. So far we are performing the same moves we have done a hundred times: you pour the wine, I choose the music, then we kick off our shoes and settle into the cushions.  I pat my lap and you smile as you place your feet there. I put down my wine glass and rub my thumbs across your tight arches. You wriggle your toes in appreciation.

I’ve always loved your feet. It’s funny because most people say “hands” or “eyes” when they’re asked what first attracted them to someone. If they were being honest they might say “it was her breasts” or “the bulge in his pants”. Few people would admit to being drawn to a stranger’s feet but that’s what I first noticed about you: you were barefoot and dancing. Your dance moves were pretty alluring too, but not as irresistible as your feet. I know you don’t see it yourself but, trust me, you have delectable feet.

It’s a good thing that you like having them massaged at the end of the day and we are perfectly matched in my delight at being the one to do it for you. When I thought this was the only physical contact we’d ever have I decided I could make it enough for me. Along with the friendly hugs and kisses hello and goodbye. Yes, I could live with that.

You kept telling me your secrets though. Did you realise what you were doing? You wanted me to share in your sexual thrills, wanted to draw me in, to make sure I felt it as well. You went into far more depth and detail than a simple retelling of a story would. Did you notice the misty look in my eyes too? The way I repositioned your feet in my lap: just a little higher up, just to make us both a little more comfortable.

Initially I wondered if you were testing out my willingness for a threesome. You knew I only like girls and I knew you and he were always up for trying something adventurous. You had plenty of opportunities to invite me and, when you didn’t, I began to wonder what other motive you might have for your newest admission of watching girl-on-girl porn. It didn’t take long for the other domino pieces to begin to stack up: were you deliberately laying a trail for me or was it your subconscious leading me on?

My fingers knead into the ball of your foot. I know your sweet spots and I work them with the pads of my thumbs and then my knuckles. Your unattended foot waits impatiently and you shift it to rest nearer my crotch.

Your weariness has lifted and you look young and excited again. You have drunk your wine quickly but I’m not going to refill your glass tonight; I have something else to offer to quench your thirst. Because that’s how you described your sexual appetite to me, remember? You talked about hunger and thirst and need and desire, and that urge that just won’t go away until it’s satisfied completely. I listened. I noted. And here I am.

Your feet are warm and heavy in my lap and your legs are stretched out along the sofa. You look relaxed and content. This could be the same as any other time we’ve spent together but tonight it’s my turn to share a secret.

I work my hands over the top of your feet and up to your ankles. You hold tension there too and I smooth it away, allowing my hands to slide a little bit higher on each stroke. Then I dip around to reach your calves. Another sweep of my hands leads me all the way to the backs of your knees. I’m leaning over your legs and your toes are pressing into my torso. You are so close to my nipples I can feel them hardening in anticipation. All it would take would be a few little wiggles of your toes and there would be no turning back.

I massage the tender area behind your knees. You have your eyes closed and you are smiling. He used to kiss you there and make you tremble. Now it is my fingers that are triggering delicate little shivers and twitches along your thighs. I know where your other erogenous zones are too.

You wiggle your toes and I feel it like an electrical charge connecting my breasts and cunt. You gasp in surprise as my mouth envelopes your big toe. You begin to giggle but then the sensations reach your cunt and you fall silent. My mouth is warm and wet, sucking and licking your toe, coating it with hot saliva. We are looking at each other: you must be able to see the need in my eyes and I see something shift in yours. This isn’t your naughty-girl expression; this is one of exposed lust. Your hunger is blatant.

I move my attention to the rest of your foot: kissing you slowly, holding you firmly. A wiggle from your toes again and then your voice: a quiet, “Suck me.” I take your other big toe into my mouth. You are prepared this time but your intake of breath tells me you still find the sensation unexpected. It is sensual and strange: do you feel like you’re getting a blow job? You wouldn’t be the first woman to discover she has an etheric dick on the end of her foot.

You are being very patient with me: I know how cunt-centric you usually are. I want to savour your whole body, to taste you, cover myself with the scent of you. You’re wet, aren’t you? As wet as my mouth; as wet as my cunt.

I release your foot long enough for us both to undress then you lie, face down, on the sofa. The soles of your feet are inviting me and I kiss each lightly. Your delicious calves are next: gentle kisses decorating you until I reach the backs of your knees. I puff a small breath onto your soft skin and you moan. My lips follow, and then my tongue, leaving a sheen on your skin: a blend of my saliva and your sweat. You are feeling flushed and I can see moisture in the dip of your lower back and across your shoulders.

I trail my breasts over the backs of your legs and watch your buttocks clench in response. One breast dips between your thighs, the sudden weight and presence makes you moan louder. I’ve reached your cunt.

My tongue trails a new path, this time on a downward trajectory. I start at the base of your spine and slide down to the top of your butt cheeks. You shift slightly onto your knees and spread your thighs a little to give me a clearer route. You throw me into a quandary: I know you want me to lick your cunt but your asshole looks so inviting. I pause. You bring yourself further onto your knees and look at me from over your shoulder. You want it all, don’t you? You want to lose yourself in all the sensations your body has to offer. I wish I had eight arms, a cock and a cunt. I wish I could wrap you up completely; fill you up completely. You deserve to be engulfed by passion. I know all your secrets; I know that’s what you want.

You offer your ass to me again and I take it. I worship you with my kisses before stroking my tongue over your sensitive pucker. I wrap one arm under your waist to better hold you to my lips and you push back onto me. You reach back and grab my free hand before bringing it into full contact with your cunt. “Fuck me,” you growl and push my hand hard up against you. If you could force my whole hand inside you, you would. Instead I quickly fill you with my fingers, leaving my thumb free to circle your clit.

You are already losing the sense of your individual body parts and are tuned in to the connections between your ass, your cunt, your feet, and your nipples as they graze the fabric of the sofa. Any sensation triggers a series of electric shocks over your skin and there is a deep pulsing at your very core.

I alternately flick my tongue over your asshole and huff warm air onto it. I match the rhythm to the movement of my fingers inside you and we rock together. I keep a slow and steady motion even though I know you want me to pick up speed. You always want to come too soon. But I want you to be totally ready, to dance barefoot on the edge of the precipice until you grow wings and fly from the edge. I want you to sweep and soar, catch an up-draught and fly again, until you have no choice left but to land and rest.

You want to come. You have pushed my fingers deeper inside you until the pressure in your cunt is exquisitely painful. You are panting and pleading: “Please, please…” But I’m still not ready to let you go. I want more of you before you fly from me.

Your asshole is soaked with my saliva and our sweat. I let go of your waist and raise my face from you. I watch you for a moment as you grind against my hand in your cunt. The fingers of my free hand dip inside my own juices and I feel my clit rock hard and erect. I’m saving that for you. My wet fingers return to your asshole. One finger pushes swiftly inside you and you cry out. Now we can dance.

I let you set the pace. You can’t move quickly enough: you want to dance so fast that you make time go backwards. You want to come but you don’t want this to end. You go to the edge and leap.

Would you like to write your own fantasy? Find out how HERE

Making love last a lifetime

In my writing ‘play’ shop (Writing as Your Sexual self – you can access it here) I shared a prompt: “write a love-lust letter, either to yourself, or someone else.” Here’s what I wrote in response to that prompt.

You can watch and listen to me read it, or read the full letter underneath the video.

I want to feel you stroke my face. I want the pads of your fingers to disturb the fine hairs on my cheeks and jaw. I want you to trace the outline of my bones beneath my flesh. I want you to pause at my lips: a silent question asking if you can touch me there.

I’ll give the slightest of nods, turning my head just a little to place my lips underneath your touch. Yes, I want you.

I want slow, gentle, reverential. I want the absolute intimacy of sensitive fingertips caressing equally sensitive lips.

I’ll close my eyes and there will be nothing more to this world than you and me. Us. This. Now.

I want your palm to cup my jaw, my head to rest upon your hand. Just hold me like this. And let me know I am safe.

Then, when the moment is right, bring your lips to mine and let me explore you with my tongue. Tasting you. Drinking in the essence of you. Swallowing your saliva and inhaling your breath.

Slowly, slowly, my love. We have all the time in the world: we are the world.

After the kiss, our bodies will be singing harmonies to each other. Each resonating the notes of our unique, vibrating, needs. I’ll sing yours back to you: I hear you; I hear your hungers.

My touch on your skin – starting with your hands – will be almost too much. Just that – just my hand on yours, my thumb rubbing over and around your knuckles. Now I feel for the hard outline of your bones, and the soft spaces in between.

You’ll offer your body to me. Naked. And I will touch you with all of my senses. My nostrils filling with the scent of you. My eyes wide, in awe of your beauty. Hesitant only because I have to choose where to explore first – and I want to know the whole of you.

The shapes and textures that form the body of you. The sounds you share when my touch surprises you, or answers an unspoken plea. The way your body moves into my touch as though drawn by magnets or, at least, the magnetism of corresponding desire.

There will come a moment when my fingers are called to go deeper. When I will have explored all of your outside and now I want to go in.

I’ll be gentle; you’ll be ready. Eager.

How will we manage the urgency? Which of us will show restraint and slow the other down? Slowly, slowly, my love, I don’t want to miss a moment.

I’m going to be here when you come. When you let go. When everything is released and you tremble and twitch in slow motion – because we have slowed down time.

We will have all the time in the world.

We can go back to the start and begin over and over again.

Eternally.

Making love last a lifetime.

Playtime! Would you like to write as your erotic self?

I had such fun with this! As the grand finale of the #UnboundBookClub event for Desire Lines, I delivered a one-hour playshop on writing as your sexual self.

Join me as I share:

  • How and why I started writing erotica.
  • My 3 top tips for writing as your sexual self.
  • 3 writing prompts and writing time during the session to play with your erotic imagination and start writing.

Feedback after the event:

“Fantastic! I had no idea whether I could write erotically – turns out I can – wonderful!!!”

“This was amazing Anna! It’s re-awakened something in me. Very grateful.”

Wine, nibbles, and an erotic book club

One of my favourite people in the whole world to talk with about desire – and Desire Lines – is Nicola Humber (author, mentor, publisher and UNBOUND woman).

We recently chatted as part of the Desire Lines #UnboundBookClub…

In this video we talk about:

  • The power of community – knowing we are not alone and finding kindred spirits to talk and share with.
  • How online spaces can make talking about taboos easier. And my dream of having an in-person book club, complete with wine and nibbles (or tea and cake), and freedom to talk about our desires!
  • The “wet test” and how to use this to inform and guide our writing and our lives.
  • How to take part in a free erotic writing event.

Have you got your free guide to writing erotica? Just sign up below and you’ll get regular letters from me too.

I want to be Elemental

I wrote this in response to my journey to meet my sexual self.

To meet your sexual self, click here…

I want to be naked in the elements.

I want to feel my breasts floating free in the sea. The salty water ruffling my pubic hair. My feet and toes tickled by seaweed strands.

I want to feel the rain running rivulets all down my body. Drenching my hair, dripping off my eyelashes. Unhindered streams flowing over my contours.

I want to roll on the earth and be patterned with leaves and dirt. I want the graze of grit as I stretch out along the ground. I want to take on the colours of a forest floor.

I want the fierce gales to push my body this way and that. I want to feel buffeted and at the mercy of the wind’s whims.

I want to feel the heat from a fire. Getting so close I begin to glow. Drinking it in. Reddening me. Seducing me.

I am made of the elements – they make me what I am. I want to go back to those places.

Be elemental.

What do you want? Tell me…

Your sexual self is waiting to meet you

How well do you know your unique sexual self?

Would you like to get to know more about this aspect of you?

How about going on a guided journey to meet your sexual self and to find out what this part of you wants you to know?

If you are curious, I’ve recorded a guided meditation for you.

The meditation is 23 minutes long.

I hope you enjoy it.

Here’s what I found out about my sexual self when I did this meditation...

(click to read)

Looking after your wellbeing: is your sexuality the missing link?

It gives me great pleasure to share the Intimate Conversation that I had with Jennie Verleg!

Jennie runs Hand-on Mindfulness workshops and describes her work as “art meets neuroscience.”

We discovered we have a mutual interest in the role of sexuality in wellbeing. And we were both super excited to have a chat about how sensuality, self-pleasuring and sexual experiences can help us look after our emotional and physical health and wellbeing.

[note: Jennie’s microphone was a bit quiet at the start of the video but you can hear her loud and clear once we get to 3 minutes]

Watch the video to hear more about:

  • Jennie’s journey from being paralysed in bed with Guillain-Barré syndrome to using art and mindfulness as a way to regain her wellbeing.
  • Why we’re both passionate about exploring sensuality and sexuality as a path to wellbeing.
  • Why we should normalise self-pleasure and make it an equally valid choice as attending an art class or taking a moment to meditate on the loo!
  • The science of pleasure and wellbeing – why it’s good for us and why it matters.
  • Why we are both on a mission to create more opportunities to explore sensuality and sexuality as a missing link in the wellbeing field.

You can find Jennie Verleg on LinkedIn here.

Would you like to add your voice to our conversations?

Click here to send me a private message and share your thoughts and questions.

Please sign up to the newsletter to get me direct in your inbox…

The first step on your journey with desire

Your body belongs to you.

Your emotions belong to you.

Your sexuality belongs to you.

And you get to choose who you want to share any (or all, or none) of these aspects of yourself with.

You get to choose to explore and enjoy your sexuality, on your own terms, regardless of what anyone else might expect, demand, or presume of you.

You are allowed to explore, evolve, express, and enjoy your sexual self – if you choose.

The only permission you need is from yourself.

This is a fundamental aspect of being a desire line walker.

We do not need to be a reflection of what – or who – other people expect us to be; we can each radiate who we truly are.

As we begin the Desire Lines Book Club this lunar month (16 October 2020), step 1 is allowing yourself to explore your sexual self.

This is how you begin your journey with desire.

Please follow me on Facebook or Instagram and use #UnboundBookClub to join in!

Are you in the mood?

Think back for a moment to a time when you felt horny…

Maybe you’d been reading or watching something erotic? Maybe someone had touched you (consensually) in a seductive way? Maybe you were going about your day-to-day business and suddenly became aware of a ‘tingle in your pants’ that reminded you that your body wanted some pleasure?

(Or maybe you’re finding it really hard right now to recall a time in recent memory when you felt that way?)

Horny’ might not be the word you would tend to use to describe how you feel (maybe you talk about being ‘in the mood’ or ‘hungry’ or something else) but it is a word that most adults can understand the meaning of. It’s part of our common language. And that’s why those feelings can be (fairly) easy to write about in erotica.

Equally, if I talk about ‘libido’ – although it can sound more formal and clinical than horny – you probably recognise that as relating to the urge or desire to have sex/sexual contact. Horny is playful. But we generally hear about libido in the context of it going missing, or being mismatched with a partner’s. Consequently, it’s often thought of as being unreliable or somehow problematic.

But did you know that feeling horny and having an active libido are only part of the picture when it comes to sexual desire?

They are the obvious, blatant aspects of something that goes way deeper and is way more elaborate and captivating than whether you’re ready to ‘get it on’ or not.

What happens if we talk about ‘sexual energy’ instead?

In some settings the term ‘sexual energy’ is bandied about freely, everyone nods in understanding: they know what it is, how to access it and what to do with it once they’ve tuned in to it.

I’ve been in those settings: usually facilitated groups and workshops where people have come together to explore ‘conscious sexuality’ – literally bringing their sexuality more into their conscious awareness rather than it being something that rumbles along in the background, with occasional spikes and peaks when they are in an actual sexual situation.

I’ve also worked with sexual energy in a one-to-one therapeutic environment. Using my sexual energy as a barometer to help me work intuitively with people who – for whatever reason – find it difficult to relax into and enjoy their sexuality.

But I’m very aware that reading the term ‘sexual energy’ as words on a screen doesn’t really mean anything unless you’ve had an embodied experience of it.

Feeling horny is one way we can feel our sexual energy in our body but there are many other ways too.

How to feel your sexual energy…

Imagine for a moment that you are just a body – just a physical object that can move around, can perform tasks, but doesn’t have any personality.

Now imagine adding into that body the bit that makes you uniquely you. It’s the bit that means you have preferences (chocolate ice cream or vanilla?). It’s the bit that makes you feel emotions (loving the ice cream or hating it?). And it’s the bit that compels you to do things purely for enjoyment, connection, and self-expression.

This is your life force energy. It’s what animates us. It’s what gives us a feeling of vitality and aliveness.

It’s my belief that this life force energy is essentially creative energy: we co-create our lives, with each person’s story having subtle and profound differences to the next.

This creative energy is also sexual energy: not just about creating ‘new life’ in the form of reproduction, but also creating sexual heat, pleasure, intimacy, and connection.

Creative energy and sexual energy co-exist in a virtuous cycle: our creative energy feeds into our sexual energy which feeds into our creative energy…and so on.

Which means: we can use our creative energy to tap into our sexual energy and vice versa.

Which also means: writing (creating) erotic stories is one way to play with our sexual energy.

Dancing (creating movements to music) is another way.

Visualising (creating pictures in our mind’s eye) is another way.

Playing dress-up (creating alter-egos and role play) is another way.

All ways that don’t require physical sexual contact with another person, matching libidos, or even the ‘tingle in your pants’ horny feeling.

And those are only a few examples.

Which is why I talk about sexual energy as being something expansive and accessible to each of us regardless of our relationship situation or where our libido is at.

I don’t know about you but, to me, that feels incredibly freeing and exciting. It gives me a sense of ownership of my sexual energy. It feels empowering. And it feels like something I want to explore and enjoy more.

How about you? 

Stay tuned for more creative sexuality opportunities coming soon!

Please sign up to hear more…(and get a Free Erotic Writing Guidebook!)